some stuff, and most likely some things too.

When I started university last September, I discovered there was a Photographic Society, so I joined up. One of the things they do, as well as practical workshops, is show films relevant to photography, such as a screening of an Annie Leibowitz documentary. I went to see a film the other night, that I’ve never heard of before, and at first glance, didn’t seem particularly ‘photographic’. Called ‘Born Into Brothels’, it is a documentary film shot in a red light district in Calcutta, India. Photographer, Zana Briski, had spent time there, living amongst the woman in order to gain their trust enough to document their everyday lives and situation, and became friendly with a group of the children living their with their mothers. She decided to teach the children photography, and was pleasantly surprised by the results. The children took to it really well, producing some really amazing results.

I have never seen a more depressing documentary film, and I’ve seen a few. The poverty and destitution these families live in is inconceivable to someone from a relatively wealthy country, the worst of it being that pretty much every single female child there was destined to ‘join the line’; that is, become a prostitute. Zana became heavily involved in trying to get the kids away from this lifestyle, most of them were clever and articulate, but lacked any sort of education. Most local schools would not take them as they were the children of sex workers, and when she eventually managed to secure places for four of the girls at a boarding school it was on the proviso that none of them were HIV positive. Thankfully, none of them were.

Of all the children, one of the most naturally talented seemed to be Avijit. He described what he saw/felt from photographs in such a way that you could really see what he meant. He sounded like he’d been a photographer for years. He was selected to go to Amsterdam as part of a children’s photography event, and the hoops that had to be jumped through to get him a passport were unbelievable. I felt so pleased for him when he eventually made it to the event.

As I said, all very depressing, yet altogether an extremely watchable film. The word ‘enjoyable’ is entirely inappropriate, as it is frequently upsetting, yet I would urge people to watch it. It gives an insight to a world I never even knew existed. I mean, I’m not naive, I know prostitution exists all over the world, but I’ve never realised what it would be like in such a poor country. The women still stand on the street, just like any Western country, but they take clients back to their ‘room’ (their house, basically), and the rest of the family just carries on with their normal life whilst the ‘business transaction’ is going on. The women’s husbands, elderly relatives and children come and go as normal, fetching water, cleaning, cooking, usually only separated from the sex act by a thin curtain. Most of the children are well aware, even at very young ages, exactly what is going on. You can’t feel anything but utterly helpless as the girls talk about how they will end up like their mothers, and some of the young boys say that they don’t want their friends to be forced into the life. Some of the other women living in the buildings were anything but understanding of the prostitute’s situations, frequently verbally abusing both the women and children, even beating the children on occasion. Another thing that struck me was the fact that whilst there were women dressed in what we would recognise as ‘street’ clothes, i.e. the short skirts and high boots, most of the women stuck to the traditional Indian style dress of sari’s and scarves.

There are some glimmers of hope, which I won’t go into as it would spoil the film if you intend to watch it. It’s not a popcorn film, I came away from it feeling a bit empty, yet would watch it again in a heartbeat. One thing I will say is that Zana Briski now runs a charity, Kids With Cameras, in order to try and help the children still in the brothels, although, probably not a good idea to look at the website before you watch the film, as it’s a spoiler of sorts. Go watch it, step outside your comfort zone.

http://kids-with-cameras.org/home/

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0388789/

Have decided to set myself a new year challenge (resolutions are just rubbish!) For at least the first three months of 2012 I am going to have no music on my iPod that is signed to a major label. Local bands and anyone who self releases only. Now, given how much I love all sorts of music and how excited I get when I discover a new band, or a band I already love release a new album, this could be difficult for me! At least I have a decent amount of local/unsigned acts albums already, with work by El Dog, Dave Hughes, Matt Stevens solo work and his band the Quick and the Dead, Jim Byrne, Chris TT, Dave Arcari, the Zips, Hordes of Unstoppable Skeletons…just off the top of my head. This is not enough to fill my iPod however! So time to discover some new, local and/or unsigned music. This is where I’d like some help. I would like some recommendations of what else to fill my iPod with. The local Glasgow music scene is very alive and well, as is the self release scene and I’d like bands to send me links to their bandcamp pages, myspace profiles, etc. Any takers?

Here’s a cut n paste of an email I got from ethicalcensus.org.uk. I normally don’t have a problem with a census, I have filled out the last one, and as a recent student of history I can see where they are very useful. My problem is with who is collecting our data this time round. The rest of this blog is a copy of an email, not my own work:

Your census form  – what to do with it

Many people in Scotland will by now have received census forms. We’ve had a lot of requests for advice from people who don’t want to fill them in. People are outraged by this census, which has been contracted to a UK arm of US defence firm CACI.

We encourage non-cooperation with the census. Most forms of non-cooperation are completely legal. You can withhold as much or as little cooperation as you wish. Illegal forms of non-cooperation – civil disobedience, in other words – are in our view a morally and politically reasonable response to this disgraceful census. But if you engage in civil disobedience (for example by refusing to fill in your census form), you do so on your own responsibility and at your own risk. You could be fined and acquire a criminal record (though we think prosecutions will be very rare). We will, of course, provide whatever support we can, whatever form of non-cooperation you choose.

*** DON’T RUSH to complete and return your census form. There is no statutory limit to the amount of time you can take to fill it in.

*** DON’T FILL IT IN ONLINE.

*** REMOVE ALL IDENTIFYING INFORMATION from your census form if you intend to return it uncompleted, perhaps with a message saying why you are doing so. You should remove (cut out, don’t just black out) the codes, address and Internet Questionnaire Access Code from the front page (or just remove the front page) and remove the bar codes and alpha-numeric codes from the bottom of every page. Returning a blank census form is not in itself illegal. But if you don’t eventually provide answers to the census questions you may be committing an act of civil disobedience and, in the unlikely event of being detected, prosecuted and convicted, you could be fined and acquire a criminal record.

Prosecution for non-compliance with the census is complex and difficult. Prosecutions for people suspected of non-compliance will not arrive out of the blue, but will follow a lengthy series of warnings. Census prosecutions normally rely on an admission provided by the refusenik when interviewed under caution by census staff. Just 3 people were convicted in Scotland after the 2001 census. One of them was fined £200; the other two were fined £50 each.

The collection of census forms will continue for many weeks after Census Day (Sunday 27 March).

For more information on what census staff will do if they think you haven’t returned your census form, and how you should respond to them, see www.ethicalcensus.org.uk/non-cooperation.php

Data from census forms returned after 15 August 2011 won’t be included in the census statistics (although they will be archived along with earlier returns, which you may think undesirable). So if you return your form after 15 August you will have scuppered the main purpose of the census, but you will nevertheless have complied with the law.

Census contractor CACI was involved in human rights violations in Iraq and shouldn’t be trusted with our data.

Moe information www.ethicalcensus.org.uk

Download, print and distribute our flyer http://bit.ly/cenflyer

We do not offer legal advice and nothing in this message should be construed as legal advice. If you need legal advice, consult a lawyer.

A couple of weeks ago, myself and the boyfriend went along to Coopers on Great Western Road for a bite to eat and a few beers with my parents. We were sitting around enjoying a lazy late afternoon’s relaxation, and we got to talking about the massive painting hanging on one wall. My mum knows her art, and was trying to remember who it was that had painted it but was getting nowhere, so out came the phone, and onto google. Turns out it’s by Pieter Bruegel the Elder, it’s called Peasant Wedding. She passed her phone to me and I scanned through the web page, and came across something familiar, this. Music lovers amongst you may recognise this as the front cover of Seattle bad Fleet Foxes self titled 2009 album. I’m still not tired of this album, it’s extraordinary. The close harmonies are somewhat reminiscent of the Beach Boys, but from a colder climate. The folk sound they employ seemed fresh and new at the time and hasn’t dated in the 18 months or so since it’s release. It’s also a happy memory of working in Borders Books.  Seems their follow up is still a  few months away, wish they’d hurry up with it! Since getting into this band, I’ve realised that not all folk based music is the arran-jumper wearing, twee, dreariness that I’d once thought! Bands like Mumford and Sons and Band of Horses have come into my radar and I love them both.

Day 9, Saturday

After filling ourselves to the gunnels with a cooked breakfast, yoghurt, coffee and pomegranate juice (we’d had pomegranate in Turkey but it was a tad disappointing), we headed back to the hotel room, got ourselves showered and into clean clothes, repacked the case and phoned G’s Nan, who came to collect us. G’s Mum and Dad had made us honey mules, we had the largest tub of it ever to bring back for Granddad! He was very impressed (the honey in Turkey is amazing) and showered us with hot drinks. After a coffee we were driven to a local Carvery, where he had a very tasty lunch. G’s Nan lent me a coat as the weather was not what we’d been used to all week! Damp and dull instead of warm, or even hot. I’d seen on one of the roadside clocks in Bodrum that it was 28 degrees…toasty! We spent the afternoon with G’s Grandfolks, and ordered a taxi for 6 to take us back to Gatwick. We got lucky here, we’d been allocated rubbish seats, but we managed to change them to the emergency exit row, so we had plenty legroom! A pint in one of the airport bars, bought a couple of magazines in WH Smith, and had a look in Dixons Travel. I got myself a neat wee bag for my DS, and G decided to finally buy himself the 64gb Ipod Classic he’s been after for ages. Without tax it was only £160, so once we had that we headed down to our gate, number 55, which was quite a bit away.

When we got there we discovered a magazine stand, ‘with compliments from British Airways’. Apart from the usual free Shortlist magazine there was about 20 different magazines, all current issues of the Economist, New Statesman, that sort of thing. We ended up with about 10 more magazines, all for nothing! Soon it was time to get on our flight back to Glasgow, and around 50 minutes later we were landing. Our case wasn’t 1st off this time but was out pretty promptly and we made our way to the taxi rank, and were promptly robbed. £17 for a cab home!! We’d booked a private hire to take us there, and it had been £12 at a fairly busy time of day. This guy was a hackney, and he bombed down an almost empty motorway. Next time, book a private cab! We got in and had to put the heating on, 2 of the 3 cats were all over us, the 3rd took about an hour to appear. It’s the longest I’ve ever been away from them, so I think they were a bit pissed off with me! After we’d warmed up a bit we headed off to bed as we were utterly exhausted. We’d had a great time, and want to go back already, but sometimes you just want your own bed, eh?

Day 8, Friday

After a night of practically no sleep (more coughing, FAR too hot!) I could do with a long lie, but we’re up, fed and watered, and out by 11:30 (that’s early in comparison to the rest of the week!) heading to Bodrum. This is where we’ll be flying out from later today, apparently it’s the well-to-do part of Turkey. It’s a journey of about an hour and a half. Once we’re out if the familiar territory of Altinkum it becomes quite hilly. There’s a wind farm up on the hills to the left and to our right I can see what looks like a large hotel on a bay, surrounded by loads of smaller buildings, looks like a resort.

We climb into the hills a bit and eventually the wind farm’s on our right with the sea on our left and mountains towering behind it. The road looks like it should be smooth but as usual is pretty bone shaking! The scenery is like Scotland if it were a hot country, lots of rock faces and greenery, none of which is particularly familiar (I’m presuming a lot of it is olive trees), and the roads are just as hairy as those in the Trossachs. We’ve had a very shoogly looking lorry in front of us for a while and Dad’s loath to try and pass it while the roads are so twisty, although plenty of other people don’t mind and are shooting past both of us and we’re all very relieved when the lorry pulls into a petrol station.

We pass by a construction or road works site and see a JCB that has fallen over down quite a big slope, hope there was nobody in it when that happened! The sea has now vanished & we have mountains either side of us. On our right at one point there’s a sheer drop and I’m very glad when we’re past it! (after all we are driving on the right here…)

After being slowed down by some major road construction we pass through a village. The buildings here are some of the prettiest I’ve seen yet, lots of hanging baskets and trees too. It’s the same mix that I’ve seen all week, of old and rundown next to new and gleaming, with a few still under construction. There’s a lot of building work going on in the area we’ve been in, but some of it has been abandoned as companies run out of money. Half built houses and shops are everywhere you look, and most of the roads and pavements (what there are of them) are half done, running for 10 feet or so before muddy gravel takes over. What every building has is balconies, even most of the older ones. It’s an extra room here, somewhere to hang your washing and store extra chairs etc. Another feature of the majority of buildings here is the hot water tank/solar panel combo on the roof. (didn’t manage to get a photo of any of these though)

We’re now climbing a hill, stuck behind 2 lorries, and we’re crawling along. and when we come over the crest we are heading down into a town. Thankfully both lorries turn away so we can pick up some speed again. It’s quite a nice looking area, definitely more town than village with a fair few hotels. On the other side we’re passing through mainly farm land again as we near Bodrum. We see quite a few cotton fields and some sort of processing centre with mounds of cotton waiting to have who knows what done to it!

We pass a lovely peach coloured, very new school, lines of primary age children are heading down the right dressed in light blue, older students down the left in navy.We’ve been in the car over an hour and 40 minutes now, a few minutes after we passed the school the road widened into a dual carriageway with the loveliest, smoothest road surface we’ve had all week. My aching back is glad of it! We’re definitely nearing Bodrum now, a lot of the roadside adverts are in English, for American companies like Starbucks or Mcdonalds, and the houses are very nice, mostly whitewashed rather than painted in pretty pastel colours. There’s water to the right of us with a smattering of boats, upmarket looking ones rather than wee fishing boats. It’s more of a bay or inlet than open water but a few minutes later the sea is next to us again, looking very inviting in the sunshine. Passing by an enormous whitewashed complex with tennis courts and a huge pool, this is ‘Bodrum Beach Club’, I don’t imagine it’s cheap in there! This area is full of hotels and lush greenery, air conditioned tour buses and fancy looking villas set back from the road with high walls and trees to stop nosey parkers like me getting any more than a quick glance in.

When we arrive in Bodrum itself we are in a one way system, but get parked pretty quickly. Most parking areas are manned and they will look after your car for a small fee, which you pay when you come back. We head out into the town, and I’m immediately struck by how different it is to the areas we’ve been in before. It’s much busier, more like Glasgow, lots of side streets and markets tucked down wee alleyways. I have a mission for today, get a fez (hoping to dress as Tommy Cooper at Halloween) and some Turkish delight. We have a wander along the harbour front, it seems we’ve just missed a week long boat race event, and the harbour id full of very expensive looking boats, quite a few of which look like pirate ships! At the end of the harbour is Bodrum castle, but we don’t have enough time to get in and wander round today as we’re on a schedule. It was built in the 15thC by the Crusaders, and is also known as The Castle of The Knights of St John.

It’s definitely time for some food, and we stop off at one of the many cafes in the area. G and his Mum have pizza, Dad and I have doner in tomato sauce. I decided I’d give it a try, as I’d seen from Dad’s doner the night before that it looks like roast beef, like real meat, not that over processed crap we get in Britain! And it was very tasty too! There were chunks of fried bread and potato mixed through it all and yoghurt on the side of the plate incase it was too spicy, but it was just right. We all had fanta lemon, which I’ve never seen before, and it is very tasty too. Mum and I had to go to the loo afterwards and they were basically cubicles, in the kitchen, with folding plastic doors and no locks! Had I seen that before I ate I may not have ordered! We then had to wash our hands in the kitchen sink. Another strange thing, in Bodrum we had to put used loo roll in a special bin next to the toilet rather than flush it away, which seems odd but I’m sure there’s a perfectly rational explanation for it.

We start the wander again, and now I’m seriously looking for a fez, without one I’ll need to recycle an old Halloween outfit as I won’t have time to organise a different one! There are some lovely looking buildings down here and I’m snapping away again. I spot a hat shop, and sure enough there’s a small selection of fez’s. I try a few on and pick the right size for me. They’re a bit expensive though, and after a few minutes I eventually get 2 for 30 lira, as I’m bringing one home for a mate. Needless to say about 10 minutes later when we’re a bit further away from the touristy area I see them for 6 lira each! Oh well, never mind! Every second shop is selling Turkish Delight too, and most of them are 5 boxes for 12 lira. I only want 2 so a wee bit of haggling is done and I get them for 5 lira. I get a standard ‘rose’ one for my mum and a pistachio one for myself. We need a cool drink so stop at a bar for some Effes. They only have it on draught, but G and I have one anyway, the folks stick to coke, and the barmen chat away to us. When Glasgow is mentioned they’re soon asking ‘Celtic or Rangers?, G and I are Celtic and his Dad is Rangers, different barmen declare they are one or the other, and the main guy puts on his See You Jimmy hat complete with orange wig! I ask for a photo of him and Dad decides I should pose with him!

It’s soon time to head back to the car so we can get to the airport, which is about 20 minutes away, so we buy some water and get going. There’s a traffic jam which we have to sit in for around 5 minutes, but we’re soon on our way. As we’re driving out of town I notice a massive spider on the inside of dad’s window, and we warn him, he opens the window a bit and lets it be sooked out by the wind. A few minutes later it appears on my window, on the outside thankfully!! It hangs on for dear life all the way to the airport, where it runs down and hides in the wheel arch. Goodbyes are said and Mum and Dad start the long drive back to Altinkum, G and I get into the airport for a 2 hour wait. We have crisps and pretzel sticks so we’re not left hungry, and the time passes fairly quickly. We don’t bother with beer, we’re both quite tired, and just stick to our water. Once we’re on the plane we find we have a woman sitting next to us so we think we’ll be stuck with her all the way home, but as soon as the seatbelt light is off she’s up and away a few aisles back to sit on her own. This flight is just as cramped s the one on the way in, but we don’t have selfish buggers in front of us, and there are wee tv screens that have come down out the ceiling and show various things throughout the journey. First of all our flight safety information is played out, then a few adverts for Turkish companies. As the flight progresses it shows us places of interest that we’re passing over, we go over Italy, Germany and France on the way. It also shows a couple of wee cartoons about a bear that gets himself into scrapes, and our flight info, how many thousands of feet up we are (34 for most of the journey) and that it’s -46 outside the plane! It also counts down how long we have left to go, and as the hours tick by I grow increasingly tired. I play my DS for a while, but mostly listen to music and try and nap, never happening, the seats are too uncomfortable! As we’re flying over France the night sky is clear of clouds and we can see a large city underneath us spread out like jewels. It could have been Paris, but I think we actually didn’t fly close enough to it (according to our map).

Once we’re landed it’s the usual wait for the luggage. I go and get a seat, text my Mum to tell her we’ve landed, and I see G waving at me. Our case was 1st off! Sweet miracles! We hurry down to the front of the building, seeing an M&S Food we duck in and buy some sandwiches and juice. Heading down to the front of the building I phone a taxi and we are taken to the Premier Inn where we’re spending the night. By this time it’s almost 11pm, and we inhale our sandwiches and fall into bed, alarm set for full English breakfast O’clock!

Day 7, Thursday

Both Dad & I seem to be over the worst of our colds, although he is still quite weak and achy. Gary came round this morning & left us his pool pump, the muddy liquid’s slowly being drained out, Dad’s been & got some pipe & board in order to divert the flood water away from the property, as he’s realised it was mostly water running down from further up the hill that filled the pool, rather than just the rain water and as I write the pool’s over halfway empty.

After some breakfast & a spot of tidying we get ready & head out in the car to Miletus, (pronounced Millytoss) an ancient amphitheatre. On the way we pass Aqua Park, an arrangement of water slides with gaudily painted ‘minarets’ over them, and a bit further up the road, an area that looks spookily like the Other’s village in Lost! The road we’re on is in the best condition of all the roads we’ve been in so far! The sea was to our left, now it’s hidden by rolling hills containing farms & olive groves. Passing through an old traditional looking village the road is briefly the uneven cobbles we’ve been used to before we hit smooth(ish) flat road again. Turning a bend the landscape opens up before us with misty mountains far, far away to our right, which we can just about see from the villa. A stunningly white building sits on a hilltop miles away, with what must be an enormous red flag billowing in the wind, as it looks pretty big from here! We’re soon at Miletus & spend a pleasant hour wandering around the ruins, I take about 100 pictures in all. I spot a lizard but it’s too quick for the camera. Dark clouds start rolling in so we head back to the villa, via the gift shop for a cotton shopping bag and a couple of red and white starred pens.

We head out to Didim for dinner, again seated outside, but in a street rather than seafront. Mum and I both order ‘meatballs on the tile’ (tile is just a skillet, sizzling hot!), they come in a tomato sauce with cheese melted over the top. G orders lamb on the tile and dad has doner and salad, and we have generous portions of chips and bread. A couple of cats are milling about but are nowhere near as bolshy as the ones in Mavisehir, and the staff here are more likely to shoo them away. After our meal we decide to try apple tea, although G has Turkish coffee which is hot and sweet, and very strong! We head home to bed, as we’re getting up very early to head to Bodrum in the morning, which is where G and I are flying home from that evening. Mum and Dad are staying another week, lucky sods!

Day 5, Tuesday

Turkey has today experienced it’s worst storm in 17 years, apparently. It has been chucking it down since about 6am, and there’s been more thunder and lightning. We’ve been woken by how loud it all is, but with a combination of sleeping off the drink and the cold coming to a head, I’ve slept through most of the drama,a s I find out when I eventually get up at the back of 3! The pool had been emptied as the weather had cooled, and was empty when we arrived, Now is it not only full, but it’s filled about 3-4 inches above as well. Dad and G have been hard at it clearing the excess water away, and under it all was a thick layer of silt. Dad has exhausted himself clearing it out, and after a hot bath and a handful of painkillers, he’s off to bed. I’ve definitely given the poor man my cold! Rain water has gotten in through cracks under doors and open windows, so there’s towels positioned to soak it up, and it’s cold for the first time since we got here.

We deal with the mundane like clearing up, laundry and dishes, and watch some tv. It’s quickly dark, (evening appears around 6 here and it’s dark by half past) and we’re in jumpers and cardigans, watching tv, but the wind and rain are affecting the picture too much, so I dig out my uni books (got 2 essays due when I’m back) and try and do some research, and Mum teaches G to play Gin Rummy! We realise we’ve had no dinner, so I rustle up a chicken and cheese omelette and we tuck into some leftover party sandwiches. Dad appears briefly for juice and more painkillers, then heads back to bed. Early night all round as we’re all shattered and we’re getting picked up at 9 to go on a trip to a vineyard, which we’re all quite excited about. I didn’t even know Turkey had a wine industry.

Day 6, Wednesday

Trip’s off. Not surprised, as we were woken round 7am by THE loudest thunderclap I have EVER heard! Seems some roads have flooded. Around 10 we get a phone call, roads are cleared so do we want to go anyway? Mum wants to but Dad’s still really ill and G and I can’t face the thought of an hour or more coach journey as I’ve kept us awake a lot with my coughing so we decide not to bother. We leave Dad to try and  sleep, heading off to catch a bus down to the seafront at Altinkum.

The bus is basically a mini bus, and there’s only 3 seats left up the back so we squish ourselves in. About 15 minutes later and the most twisty windy route ever we’re at our stop. We wander around some shops, and pop into Churchill’s for a quick Effes to cool ourselves down. Afterwards we head into the shopping centre down the road, it’s mostly clothes, jewellery, household stuff like soft furnishings and sweeties in here. Mum buys two lovely red cushion covers and I buy two necklaces, one for myself and one for my Mum, as it’s her birthday the week after we get back. We head down to the front and we can see the effect the storm’s had on the place, the beach is littered with debris, which is slowly and methodically being cleared up. Means I can’t go down and stick my toes in the water though. We wander round for about an hour, I’m taking photos and thoroughly enjoying the heat. It’s not humid, it’s just hot, but not unpleasant or roasting me to death. I’ve been scouring the shops looking for some silver jewellery for my Mum’s xmas pressie, (no details incase she reads this…) and I got some in a wee shop just off the seafront. We pay a visit to the Million Shop, which is like a pound shop, it sells all manner of tat! I buy some cheap bracelets to take apart when I get home, some beads have the evil eye on them. It’s everywhere here, the blue and white symbol that is meant to protect you from anyone giving you the evil eye. It’s usually cast in glass, and is hung everywhere, some are embedded in pavements just outside shop doors. We get one on a little pin every time we exchange money too, it’s usually got a wee turtle or dolphin bead on it too. I’m also collecting these for my jewellery stash! Mum phones Dad to see how he is and he offers to come pick us up in the car, as he’s feeling a bit better and wants some dinner. After freshening up, we drive to Mavisehir, a coastal resort about 15 minutes away from us. We head down to the seafront where there’s a few restaurants to choose from, although they’re more like cafes. They’re covered, but are basically outdoors, and there are loads of cats and dogs milling around, which I don’t really like. I’m concerned that a dog will attack a cat (and the dog would likely come off worse!) Some look healthy, but there are a fair few that look dirty and mangy. They are bold as brass these cats, they come right up to you hoping for food. I see one guy feeding scraps to a pretty silver tabby, and it jumps up on his lap under the table and settles down. A few come and look hopefully at us but we ignore them and they eventually go away, but still sit near us.

We order some mezzes, and our main courses and get stuck in. I’ve ordered a pancake with meat, it’s nice but a bit dry, so the spicy tomato sauce on the mezze plate comes in handy. I take some photos of the kittens in the tree,  and we’re paying the bill when something falls out of the rafters, bounces off G’s head, hand, and onto the table. It’s a beetle. A beetle the size of a plum. It’s effin massive!! We all jump up out of our seats away from it, and as it tries to right itself and fly away, Dad quickly puts an empty beer glass over it, and it rattles around inside trying to escape. I cannot believe how big it is, words fail me. I also forgot to take pictures of it, so stunned I was by it’s sheer massiveness!! We head back to the villa and have a flick through the tv channels. A film called ‘Welcome to Mooseport’ is about to start. None of us have heard of it but it has Gene Hackman in it, so we give it a go. It’s actually quite funny, Hackman is the newly retired President of the USA (most popular since Kennedy!) and he’s retiring to his holiday home in the small town of Mooseport (in Virginia I think?) He’s offered the position of town mayor, but local boy Ray Romano wants a shot at it, so they wage war on each other, with Romano’s girlfriend dating Hackman at one point. It was really good, just what was needed to round the night off. Everyone else heads to bed but I’m not tired enough for sleep so I stay up to watch Aeon Flux. I’ve never seen it before, and I remember it being universally panned when it came out. I also remember it was based on a computer game. I enjoyed it, it was a bit cheesy but ok. Bedtime!!

Day 3, Sunday

I wake up the back of 1 and I CAN HEAR!! Oh the relief! Had convinced myself as I tried to get to sleep last night that I was deaf, I was going to have to get a hearing aid, etc etc. I still have a bit of a cold but thank the lord my hearing’s returned!

Everyone’s a bit fragile so we don’t do much today. We have a lovely breakfast of eggs, bacon, and some of the bread we got yesterday. It’s lovely, really soft and fluffy with sesame seeds on top.

Today is a lazy sort of day. We unpack our cases and get ourselves organised. Mum and Dad nip out to the shops for some more food. We have guests for dinner, Jackie and Gary who we met the night before. Jackie is the quizmaster. After a most awesome dinner of steak and kidney pudding, Mum and Dad head out with Our dinner guests, G and I choose to stay in for a rest. We’re having a barbecue the following night so we’re saving ourselves for that. There’s a few Effes in the fridge and a load of crisps and sweets so we settle down with Life of Brian and laugh ourselves silly for a few hours before heading to bed. We don’t even hear Mum and Dad coming in later! (back of 1 they tell us the next day)

Day 4, Monday

Wake up covered in mozzie bites & it’s raining. Mum gives me lemon oil to put on the bites to stop the itching. We spray Raid all around the bedroom, shut the door & head into town.  G goes to a barber to have a proper Turkish shave in preparation for Movember. Tv is on, show looks like mix between Blind Date, Deal or No Deal and Trisha. The barber is very thorough, first a haircut then clippers take the most of the beard off before the cut throat razor makes it’s appearance. He spends quite a bit of time lathering G’s face before the shave begins. It’s such a transformation, G looks like a different person with no face fuzz! And it doesn’t stop there. A piece of cotton is doused in oil & set alight, & any stray face hairs are removed along with straggly ear hair (outside only!). This has us in stitches as it reminds us of Karl Pilkington in China getting his fiery massage!. After all that there’s still more. The barber massages G’s shoulders then does each arm in turn, working down to the fingers & cracking each one. G lets out a few yelps but afterwards feels loose & relaxed, & was recommending it to anyone who would listen after that!

G’s shave is done & the parents are back, they drive us to a local supermarket. I buy some humus & something that I hope is halloumi cheese, the packet says ‘hallem’, guess I’ll find out soon enough! I’ve been coughing like a 60 a day smoker all day and it doesn’t ease off at all, if anything it gets worse as the evening progresses. The forecast isn’t good, and it’s been raining all day, so the barbecue has been ditched in favour of a standard party with sandwiches and suchlike. Around 7pm the guests start to arrive, and soon we have a houseful! I spend around an hour talking to a boy, who I think is about 10/11, about Animal Crossing on the DS. I get mine out the case and he shows me a number of thing I didn’t know about the game. It gets to the back of three and rvryone’s leaving, so we head off to bed, absolutely shattered. Dad has been coughing a lot, think I’ve given him my cold!

Saturday

Woke up around 1:30pm, my ears still gunked up & a definite cold has arrived. My hearing hasn’t returned, and I’m convinced I’m shouting but apparently I’m not, almost whispering instead. Breakfast is very necessary at this point, as none of us have eaten anything substantial since Nanny’s casserole and crumble combo the previous afternoon. Turns out G’s parents have brought some food with them. A previously cooked, frozen solid, steak and kidney pudding, 2 blocks of cheese and 4 packs of bacon! Turkey is a country with a large Muslim population but an entirely (for the time being at least) secular government. Pork products such as bacon are available here, however they’re hard to find and very expensive. The bacon we have with us is actually really good, and I still don’t feel like I’m in a foreign country, having not been out of the villa yet, and there’s nothing more British than bacon and eggs!

After a most excellent breakfast of bacon and eggs a chap called Kazim delivers our hire car, and we set off to the market for supplies. I’ve never seen a market like it, huge and bustling and extremely noisy. The fruit and veg is similar yet different. The oranges are green skinned (as seen on QI!), the cabbage is mostly of the purple variety and the spring onions are longer than most British leeks!  I forgot to mention, when we got off the plane that morning, the air smelt completely different to anywhere I’ve been before, slightly spicy, and I can smell it again in and around the market. It’s a mix of cumin and something I can’t put my finger on. We pick up some cabbage and potatoes to go with the steak and kidney pudding we’re having tomorrow (frozen solid, made G’s parents suitcase extremely heavy!!) and head for the shoe stalls.

I had a quick look in some shoe shops for sandals but not even sales had sandals in October in Glasgow! I can’t wear flip flops, hate the feeling of anything between my toes, so I need something different. There’s a stall selling all manner of footwear and I spot some glam looking black mules with diamanté, I try them on but they’re made of plastic and in less than ten seconds my feet are drenched in sweat, so utterly unsuitable then! Mum points out some Scholl-esque mules and at first I think ‘no way’ as they’re white, but then, unearthed from a pile of seemingly odd shoes, a pair of mules in Dr Marten Cherry Red.  They’re my size too, and not only do they fit they’re extremely comfortable! This is when the haggling begins. I look to Dad for guidance. Stall holder says 55 lira, Dad says no way, too much. Eventually they’re down to 40 lira and Dad accepts, turns out that’s roughly £15, so they are indeed a bargain, as they appear to be real leather! After the market we head off to a few shops on the square nearby, including the ‘ekmek’ (bakery) for some bread. The smell coming out of it is absolutely glorious, and reminds me that we’ve not eaten much that day!

We take our purchases back to the car (and I change out of my stuffy trainers into my new, extra comfy mules!) and head off to one of Mum and Dad’s regular haunts here, Churchill’s Bar. A few folk they know are sitting out front and it’s welcomes all round. This is where G and I have our first taste of Effes, a Turkish lager. It’s made from rice rather than hops or barley, and it’s very refreshing. Chips buttys are ordered, and when they come out they’re on the awesome smelling bread,cut into big doorstop sized chunks! A bit of ketchup makes them just perfect. Unfortunately, chewing is making my ear pain ten times worse, the entire lower half of my head is throbbing by this time. One of the girls sitting with us hears of my ear trouble and tells me every time she’s here she gets an ear infection. This worries me slightly as by this time I can hardly hear a thing and the pain is immense, despite 2 nurofen a few hours earlier. Mum decides we need to consult a pharmacist, so the two of us head a few streets away to the ‘eczane’ (chemist). A quick chat with the lady behind the counter and antibiotics are prescribed. Unfortunately they’re 35 lira, (about £12) so that makes a bit of a dent in my spending money! Back to the bar and head home to the villa to get ready for dinner (and an impromptu nap!).

Taxi picks us up just after 8:30 and takes us to Bar One. By this time it’s dark and the streets are even more haphazard and scary! There’s a large crowd of people here, 20-30 easily, that Mum and Dad know from their previous stays here and introductions are made, names forgotten! More Effes is served up and we order food, G decides to try Moussaka but the rest of us stick to fairly western dishes. After we’ve eaten there’s a quiz which we win! A bottle of wine is our prize so it’s tucked away in my bag for later in the week. We then proceed to get stuck into the Effes until well after 1am, there’s karaoke in the background, and everyone’s having a great time. I’m still in quite a bit of pain though, and very tired, so am relieved when we head home just before 2, despite enjoying myself immensely. It’s stifling hot in the bedroom so I open the en-suite bathroom’s window and leave the door open a bit. There’s no insect net on either the main bedroom window or this one, but it’s too hot with them closed! There is a sound in the air like you hear in Japanese films, like ciccadas, so I presume there’s some sort of equivalent insect here, and it’s very loud at first, but it eventually helps me doze off once I’m used to it.